Support & Guidance For Life & Death Transitions
Completing the circle of Birth, life & death
Angie Azur is an Death-Doula NEDA Member
My Offerings are Listed Below.
Some questions for you to consider are:
- What type of death do I want for myself or my loved one?
- Do I want to die at home, hospital, a hospice center, or someplace else?
- How do I want to express my end of days? Art? Writing? Photos?
- Do I have anyone to forgive?
- How do I want to say, "I'm Sorry."
- What are my beliefs about death and the afterlife?
- How do I want my body treated after death?
- How can transitioning from life to death be gentle?
- Do I have any directives my friends and family would like to follow?
- What am I afraid of, and what do I need to feel calm and comforted?
- What legacy do I want to leave behind?
Dying with dignity
Pre Death and Dying Comfort & Support
- Holistic Non-Medical Support and Demystifying Death and the Dying Process with Compassion
- Creating Advanced Care Directives
- Meeting with friends & family to jointly discuss your needs
- Life reviews and Legacy projects
- Coming up with your personalized death plan
- Decorating the space for your comfort
- Deep listening to all of your questions, needs, and final requests
Rites of Passage
- Dying with Dignity through Non-judgmental guidance and Empowering Death Rituals
- Death may be a wonderful experience for you when you have a plan or ritual
- Reviewing any past experiences that you would like to be heard, dealt with compassion, or changed by a rite of passage ritual
- Creative rituals for your passing: Urn decorating, Story Dictation, Art Works
- Ritual oils, flowers, music, scents
Final Days Support & Death Vigil
- Bedside vigil
- Loving-kindness and compassion
- Non-judgmental deep listening skills
- Helping both patient and family with closure
- Establishing a sacred space
- Use of guided imagery for inner peace and relaxation
- Energy work
- Transitioning ritual for a richer and more meaningful experience
- Grief support and reprocessing
- Peaceful and comforting presence during a time of need
Grief resources | Please Ask for help | You are not alone
Death & Dying Resources
- Grief: Going Beyond Death and Stages
https://ct.counseling.org/2016/10/grief-going-beyond-death-stages/
- End-of-Life Doula Alliance
- Self-Care Ideas & Activities
https://www.developgoodhabits.com/self-care-ideas/
- Doula Model of Care (See Picture Left)
https://lifespandoulas.com/doula-model-of-care/
- American Hospice Directory
https://hospicefoundation.org/Hospice-Directory
- Caregiver Support & Resources
https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources
- Waking Up Before We Die - The Benefits of Sacred Plant Medicine Before Death
https://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/speaker-series-waking-up-before-we-die
- Center for Conscious Living & Dying
Self-Care for Grief
Grief can be a heavy emotion that affects us both mentally and physically. Here are some physical ways to release grief in the body:
- Exercise: Engaging in physical activities such as running, walking, swimming, or yoga can help release endorphins, which are natural mood-boosters. Exercise can also help reduce tension and anxiety, which are common physical symptoms of grief.
- Deep breathing: Deep breathing exercises, such as the 4-7-8 method, can help calm the nervous system and reduce stress. Find a quiet place to sit comfortably and inhale deeply through your nose for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds.
- Massage therapy: Massage can help release tension and promote relaxation. Massage therapy can also increase the production of oxytocin, which is a hormone that can reduce stress and promote feelings of well-being.
- Crying: It's common to feel like crying when grieving, and it's important to allow yourself to do so. Crying can help release emotional tension and promote feelings of catharsis.
- Expressive arts: Engaging in creative activities such as drawing, painting, writing, or playing music can help release emotions and promote self-expression. These activities can also provide a sense of accomplishment and promote relaxation.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's important to allow yourself to feel your emotions and seek support from others if needed. Emotions are made to be felt, not ignored or hidden. Feeling emotions deeply is the root of all healing.
CHILDREN and grief
Helpful for Parents & Caregivers
- For Parents of Children with Serious Illness
https://courageousparentsnetwork.org/
- Cancer and Caring for Your Child
https://www.cancer.net/navigating-cancer-care/advanced-cancer/caring-terminally-ill-child
Books for Children around Death
- When Sadness is at Your Door by Eva Eland
- The Purple Balloon by Chris Raschka
- The Memory Box: A Book about Grief. by Joanna Rowland
- Where Do They Go? by Julia Alvarez
- The Funeral by Matt James
Creative ways to help children with death:
Losing someone we love is a difficult and emotional experience for anyone, especially for children who may struggle to understand and process their feelings. Here are some writing prompts that can help children explore and express their emotions after the death of a friend or family member:
- Write a letter to your loved one. Imagine you could talk to them one last time, what would you say? What do you miss about them the most? What happy memories do you have of them?
- Write a story about a special moment you shared with your loved one. What did you do together? How did it make you feel?
- Draw a picture of your loved one and write a short story about them. What was their favorite thing to do? What did they teach you?
- Write a poem about your feelings. Use metaphors and imagery to express how you are feeling, such as "I feel like a lost bird without a home" or "My heart is a broken vase."
- Write a gratitude journal entry. Think about the things you are thankful for about your loved one. What did they bring into your life that you will always cherish?
Remember to encourage your child to take their time and write or draw whatever comes to mind. It's important to acknowledge and express emotions, even if they are difficult. Allow any and all images. Some children might draw a dark figure, others a ray of light, but support them no matter what they draw. Allow them the space they need before they attempt to explain the drawing. Some deep emotions cannot be explained with words, some just must be felt or drawn.
ideas to help release and integrate grief
Processing Grief
Losing a loved one or experiencing a traumatic event can be especially difficult for children to process and express. Here are some ways to help children release sadness and grief in the body:
- Art therapy: Art therapy involves using art materials to explore and express emotions. Children can create drawings, paintings, or collages that reflect their feelings and experiences. Art therapy can help children feel a sense of control and agency over their emotions, as well as provide a safe and supportive outlet for self-expression.
- Play therapy: Play therapy involves using toys, games, and activities to help children process and communicate their emotions. Through play, children can express and work through difficult emotions in a safe and supportive environment.
- Breathing exercises: Breathing exercises can help children calm their bodies and reduce anxiety. Encourage children to take slow, deep breaths in through their nose and out through their mouth, counting to three or four with each inhale and exhale.
- Physical activity: Physical activity, such as dancing, running, or playing sports, can help children release pent-up emotions and tension in the body. Exercise also releases endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce stress.
- Mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness and meditation techniques can help children become more aware of their thoughts and feelings and develop a sense of inner calm and self-regulation. Encourage children to sit quietly, focus on their breath, or guide them through a guided meditation or visualization exercises.
Each child will respond differently to different techniques, and it's important to create a safe and supportive environment for children to express their emotions and process their grief. Be supportive, yet allow them the space they need to feel emotions and move through them.
Children Need Kindness and support
Involve Children
Children need Support
Involve Children
Children want to feel they are part of the funeral, saying goodbye and remembering their ancestors.
How to help:
- give children a task
- allow them to feel emotions
- give them flowers to hand out
- let them know they're doing a good job
- let older children be in charge of younger children for just an hour
- allow children to laugh and talk
- join in whatever the child is doing
Children Grieve
Children need Support
Involve Children
Children have the same emotions you have, and they grieve, too.
How to help:
- allow them space to cry, be grumpy, feel angry, give them whatever space they need to be to process their grief
- be near to them during the funeral or cemetery visits
- ask them how they are doing and what they need from you
Children need Support
Children need Support
Children need Support
Children and teens need your support during the grieving period and for weeks, months, or years after a death.
How to help:
- hold their hands and give hugs
- allow them to cry and show emotions
- set time aside to ask them how they are feeling and deeply listen
- ask them what they need from you
- remember the little things that person used to do in their life, and try to be there in a similar way
Death is Sacred
Ways to Say Goodbye when a Friend Dies
Children may express grief and say goodbye to a loved one who has died in unique ways, depending on their age, personality, and cultural background. Here are some examples of unique ways children say goodbye to someone who has died:
- Drawings and letters: Children may create drawings or write letters to their loved one who has died as a way to express their feelings and say goodbye.
- Release balloons or butterflies: Releasing balloons or butterflies can be a symbolic way for children to say goodbye and watch as their loved one "flies away."
- Plant a memorial garden: Children can plant a garden in honor of their loved one, with flowers, plants, and decorations that represent their loved one's personality and interests.
- Create a memory box: Children can create a memory box filled with items that remind them of their loved one, such as photos, letters, or small objects.
- Make a special craft: Children may create a special craft, such as a photo album, memory quilt, or scrapbook, that honors and celebrates their loved one's life.
It's important to encourage children to express their grief in natural and authentic ways and to provide a safe and supportive environment for them to process their emotions and say goodbye in their own way.
Create a Tradition for you and your Child
Here are five simple traditions to honor someone who has died:
- Lighting a candle: Lighting a candle in memory of your loved one can be a simple and meaningful way to honor their memory. You can light a candle at home or in a special place, and take a moment to reflect on their life and legacy.
- Sharing stories and memories: Gathering with friends and family to share stories and memories about your loved one can be a comforting and healing tradition. This can be done in person, over the phone, or through virtual platforms.
- Displaying photographs or mementos: Displaying photographs or mementos that remind you of your loved one can be a way to keep their memory alive and present in your life. This can be done in a dedicated space in your home, or through a wearable item like a locket or piece of jewelry.
- Donating to a charity or cause: Donating to a charity or cause that was important to your loved one can be a way to honor their legacy and continue their passion for helping others. This can be done on special occasions, or as an ongoing tribute.
- Cooking or eating a favorite dish: Cooking or eating a favorite dish that your loved one enjoyed can be a way to remember them and celebrate their life. This can be done on special occasions, or as a regular tradition to keep their memory alive.
Connection after Death
Losing a pet or a loved one can be a difficult experience for children, and it's important to help them find ways to keep their connection and memory alive. Here are 5 simple ways children can keep a connection to a pet or loved one after death:
- Create a memory box: Children can create a memory box filled with items that remind them of their pet or loved one, such as photos, toys, or special objects. They can decorate the box and add to it over time, and use it as a way to remember and honor their memory.
- Write a letter: Children can write a letter to their pet or loved one, expressing their feelings and memories. They can keep the letter in a special place, or even bury it in a special spot as a way of sending a message.
- Plant a memorial garden: Children can plant a garden in memory of their pet or loved one, with flowers or plants that have a special meaning or connection. They can tend to the garden and watch it grow as a way of keeping their memory alive.
- Make a photo album or scrapbook: Children can create a photo album or scrapbook filled with pictures and mementos of their pet or loved one. They can add to it over time and use it as a way to remember and celebrate their life.
- Create a special art project: Children can create a special art project, such as a painting, drawing, or sculpture, in memory of their pet or loved one. They can display the artwork in a special place, or even give it as a gift to someone else as a way of sharing their memory.
honoring our ancestors and friends
Unique Ways to Remember
The process of grieving and remembering a loved one after their death can take many different forms, and it's important to find a way that feels meaningful and authentic to you. Here are some unique ways to celebrate death:
- Memorial tattoos: Some people choose to get a tattoo to honor and remember their loved one. This can be a personal and permanent way to carry their memory with you.
- Memory boxes: Create a memory box filled with items that remind you of your loved one, such as photographs, letters, or other sentimental objects. This can be a way to keep their memory close and to pass down their legacy to future generations.
- Planting a memorial garden: Create a garden filled with your loved one's favorite flowers or plants. This can be a peaceful and beautiful way to honor their memory and create a space for reflection and remembrance.
- Memorial art: Create or commission a piece of art in memory of your loved one, such as a painting, sculpture, or other artwork. This can be a unique and lasting way to celebrate their life and legacy.
- Celebratory gathering: Instead of a traditional funeral or memorial service, some people choose to hold a celebratory gathering that reflects their loved one's personality and passions. This could be a potluck, a music performance, or other creative event that honors their memory and brings together friends and family.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate death, and it's important to find a way that feels authentic and meaningful to you and your loved ones. Breathe and relax into your own unique way to remember.
Death Dance by Angie Azur
Honoring Death by Celebrating Life
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain
Using Your Voice & Body to Feel Emotions
“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”
― Jimi Hendrix
Birth | Death | Rebirth
“Many of us can't heal or help ourselves. But we have certain resources that can heal or help others. It's amazing how life forms a full cycle.”
― Mitta Xinindlu
Nature helps ease sorrow and allows what must be mourned
Ancient Yew Tree
5th Oldest Tree in the World, this North Carolina Bald Cypress
5th Oldest Tree in the World, this North Carolina Bald Cypress
Yew trees are the tree of endings. They guide the new which comes out of the old. Allowing what is lost to be mourned they help remind us of what is worthy will endure.
5th Oldest Tree in the World, this North Carolina Bald Cypress
5th Oldest Tree in the World, this North Carolina Bald Cypress
5th Oldest Tree in the World, this North Carolina Bald Cypress
This Bald Cypress is over 2600 years old. Cypress trees are known for helping with comfort in sorrow. They guide us through loss and allow what must be mourned.
Ancient Fir Trees
5th Oldest Tree in the World, this North Carolina Bald Cypress
Ancient Poplar Tree
The Fir tree symbolizes birth and the return of the Light & new beginnings. It celebrates the full life-death cycle while promising future joys even in the darkest of nights.
Ancient Poplar Tree
Ancient Snow Gum Eucalyptus
Ancient Poplar Tree
Poplars hold reverence for endings and beginnings. They guide us through our human regrets toward healing and from our heartaches to expressing joy.
Ancient Snow Gum Eucalyptus
Ancient Snow Gum Eucalyptus
Ancient Snow Gum Eucalyptus
Known for its healing powers throughout the world, Eucalyptus trees also free stagnant and blocked energies. They help us move forward through pain toward acceptance.
Silver Banksia
Ancient Snow Gum Eucalyptus
Ancient Snow Gum Eucalyptus
The Banksia trees have been around for more than 65 million years. They are helpers with letting go of sorrow and attaining a positive outlook on life. They reassure us that all is well when we trust the cycles of nature.
Healing Photo Gallery | Draw | journal | Dance | Sing | Scream | Jump | run | Yoga | meditate
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein
Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.
- Coco Chanel
How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?
- Dr. Seuss
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you get burned.
- Buddha
You may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back.
- Mary Manin Morrissey
We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.
- Max de Pree
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, have chosen to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
- Henri Nouwen
Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.
- Saint Francis de Sales
We experience happiness as a series of pleasing moments. Through honest self-work, reflection, and meditation, we begin to string more of these moments together, creating a web-like design of happiness that drapes around our lives.
- Tara Stiles
Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
- P.J. O'Rourke
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
- Washington Irving
Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.
- Martha Graham
He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.
- Agnes de Mille
I was born by myself but carry the spirit and blood of my father, mother and my ancestors. So I am really never alone. My identity is through that line.
- Ziggy Marley
Modern storytellers are the descendants of an immense and ancient community of holy people, troubadours, bards, griots, cantadoras, cantors, traveling poets, bums, hags, and crazy people.
- Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Jazz is smooth and cool. Jazz is rage. Jazz flows like water. Jazz never seems to begin or end. Jazz isn't methodical, but jazz isn't messy either. Jazz is a conversation, a give and take. Jazz is the connection and communication between musicians. Jazz is abandon.
- Nat Wolff
I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity.
- Billy Joel
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
- Mark Twain
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
- Erma Bombeck
Laughter heals all wounds, and that's one thing that everybody shares.
- Kevin Hart
Any time I find medicine that's helpful, I share it with everyone I know.
- Clarissa Pinkola Estes
I long for the raised voice, the howl of rage or love.
- Leslie Fiedler
Everyone is allowed to be vulnerable. I think women and men and dogs and cats and ants and aliens can all express themselves and be vulnerable.
- Melanie Martinez
The more I see of deer, the more I admire them as mountaineers. They make their way into the heart of the roughest solitudes with smooth reserve of strength, through dense belts of brush and forest encumbered with fallen trees and boulder piles, across canons, roaring streams, and snow-fields, ever showing forth beauty and courage.
- John Muir
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking
We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.
- Virginia Satir
Hugs can do great amounts of good - especially for children.
- Princess Diana
If your ego starts out, 'I am important, I am big, I am special,' you're in for some disappointments when you look around at what we've discovered about the universe. No, you're not big. No, you're not. You're small in time and in space.
- Neil deGrasse Tyson
Save the elephants, and then you save the forest - and then you save yourself.
- Mark Shand
Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.
- Ray Bradbury
The dogs with the loudest bark are the ones that are most afraid.
- Norman Reedus
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.
- Gilda Radner
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
- Terry Pratchett
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
- Mark Twain
When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream.
- John Lennon